Now it occurred to me last night (well today as I work nights, but last night to you humans), that whilst working hours that only Vampires would believe practical that I would be able to watch a few good horror movies on the old telebox. However this task is made somewhat less simple by the very apparent lack of any decent movie channels or a dvd player. None the less I managed to rummage through the channels that were on offer and came across a little bit of a gem. Plague Town (2008 David Gregory)
A little known piece of cinematic genius. Here is the IMDB plot synopsis and by the length I think you can gather how complicated the afore mentioned film is.
"An American family visiting their Irish roots accidentally stumbles on a horde of bloodthirsty mutant children."
Isn't that just simply brilliant the entire movie can be summed up to the point of not really needing to watch it in one quick easy to read sentence. The entire movie cost around $1,000,000 which in real money is about £3.75. This put to one side the special effects and make up of the characters is thoroughly enjoyable and surprisingly good (see above picture of head freak child).
The girl pictured above is the head girl when it comes to the bloodthirsty little tykes. She, from what I can gather, has recently "come of age" and is on the look out for her very own prince charming. Oh and why not for heavens sake. I mean, what could possibly put you off her beautiful personage? Oh yeah... HER FUCKED UP EYES!!! However if you're a bit odd I have come up with a few possibilities for places you could go on dates.
- The Cinema - There are two main reasons for this. Reason one the room is fairly dark and you are usually required to stare at a screen rather than your date. Reason two with the current fad of 3D cinema at it's peak chances are you're watching the latest epic in the third dimension. This means the two of you are wearing those crazy spectacles and neither can see each other's peepers. This is entirely win win as people can't see her eyes and she doesn't get made to feel bad at the sight of your normal person eyes. Unless of corse you suffer from a similar eye affliction in which case I suggest you form a new wave band called The Goldfish.
- Horror Conventions - Whilst these may seem a little nerdy and sad, you have to appreciate that it means you can both be seen in full daylight and no one will bat an eye lid. Everybody will just assume that she's wearing an amazing costume. However no matter how great the temptation DO NOT enter any fancy dress competitions. You may very well win, but how are you going to cope with that awkward moment when the judge asks her to remove her face mask so he can present the trophy and the Pizza Express meal voucher.
- A Darkened Alley - Now these may not seem like the most romantic of locations, but let's by honest if you're dating the above lass romance probably isn't something you're overly aware of.
But I digress. The film itself is very good and contains some very interesting plot moments, some nice splatty gore and plenty of bad Irish accented old ladies hitting frying pans together to signal her freak minions.
Overall I would give it a nice healthy four stars as I believe the film does everything you'd expect plus the occasional morsel more. However the budget could have done with being a bit higher, the cast could do with some real names and maybe even, and I hate to suggest this, some Irish actors playing the Irish parts.
Until next time...
I Can't Be Arsed
Matt
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